I've been struggling with what to say about 2020. And I decided I would take it as a way to talk about the things I learned over the year, because ultimately it was a year of learning lessons and adapting.
1. I learned that I need more quiet time. Both from social media noise, and general media noise, and from a busy life in general. I think about how much time I spent running around before, sitting in traffic, shopping unnecessarily....and now that I've had the chance to break routine, I don't miss it. I enjoy a quieter life, with more meaningful interactions, surrounded by those I love most.
2. To be more patient. There are very few things that I need right now, and many things I don't. Those lines are very clear now.
3. To appreciate nature more. I've always loved being outside, noticing plants and animals, and the wind in trees, the way water moves in different conditions. When we lived in Virginia, we were in a very urban environment. It had many beautiful areas, but it was hard to get lost in nature. I enjoyed being close to things to do, but the trade off was being very tightly packed with others. Now that we've moved to a place that is slower, more spread out, and has more breathing space, I love getting to know nature more. That included learning to forage for mushrooms, and cooking them for the family to eat. Identifying new plants and animals, working in the garden, noticing the way things change as the seasons move forward.
4. To focus. With less noise, the chance to focus more on things that matter has presented itself. I've tried to listen. I have spent so much quality time with my kids and husband. I've gotten to spend more time doing the hobbies I love. Reading, making things, playing with my kids, and yes, video games.
5. To realize who matters to me. This has been a double-edged sword. I have learned just how deeply I love some people, near and far. I've been worried for them all, praying for them, trying to give signs that they are in my mind and heart. Waiting, as patiently as I can, to see some people that I just thought I could see whenever I wanted to hop on a plane, or drive. However, this year has also taught me, not all people are worthy of that love and care. It has taught me to focus more on the people that are good humans, who love one another as they want to be loved, who value lives that don't match their own, who are willing to make minor sacrifices to help strangers. Because, I don't have enough of myself to give, where I can continue to give and give and give to everyone. I try to be kind and helpful, but ultimately...I give more to the people who are more likely to give to others. Some of the people I learned weren't in that camp, truly surprised and disappointed me. But the lesson was an important one. As I say, Don't pet every stray dog. Some of them will bite. I can wish the best for people, and pray for good things and clarity in the future....but I no longer take extra effort once I've seen someone's true nature. Like Maya Angelou said, Once someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. That's been a very painful lesson, but ultimately a good one.
6. To appreciate. In our disposable and instant culture, it's so easy to sweep along in the current and the noise, and not truly appreciate the things we have. This year has been excellent for teaching me to appreciate. To appreciate warm hugs from friends. To appreciate meeting people in real life for the first time, when you've only been virtual friends. To appreciate the warmth of a good meal, brought by an enthusiastic and happy server, in a good restaurant. To appreciate going to see a movie in a theater, with friends. To appreciate travel, of any kind. To appreciate a shared smile between strangers in public. To appreciate how children flock together like birds when they gather at parks, whether they knew each other or not. To appreciate the chance to browse in a book store, to grab a drink at a bar, to take a spontaneous trip. These are things that I will truly appreciate, when I can do them again.
There's more to say, but that was enough to type. And I hope this year teaches me more and helps me grow more, but I hope with less tears and worry than this one had. I hope you learned and grew too.