The Northman: A movie review

I knew I wanted to write something here today, but wasn’t sure what it would be. Further reflections on Ukraine? The immense consolidation of wealth and power into the hands of a very privileged and very flawed few, occurring at lightning speed over the last few years? And then it occurred to me: I saw The Northman a couple days ago, and clearly THAT is what you want to hear about tonight. So here we are!

Viking Authenticity 101

As soon as I heard that Robert Eggers was going to be releasing a Viking movie, I knew they had me. Let’s be honest: I can get enjoyment out of something with as much authenticity as Thor: Ragnarok, or the movie version of a text book come to life. I enjoy the myth and legends and intrigue around Norse culture as much as I do the authentic history. Horned helmets? I’ll take it! Formed leather armor with pelts? Fine with me (in fact, I HAVE MY OWN, have you seen it?? Because here it is)

Now just because I enjoy all those things, doesn’t mean that I’m not aware that the couple examples of horned helmets we have weren’t viking, and were ceremonial….I know that true authentic historical armor was likely to be chainmail or lamellar…and that the Vikings tv show isn’t exactly a documentary. But, I enjoy all of it just the same. And from the people I know who are from the Scandinavian countries themselves, they seem to hold a similar view.

BOOM. Historical accuracy in spades! ;) Don’t at me.

All that being said, I typically try to not find out much about a movie before I see it, beyond what is in the preview. I like to be surprised. Especially if I am actually going to a movie theater to see it, which I hardly do these days. So imagine my joy when I discovered how much authenticity The Northman sought to pack into its dirty and dark story. I won’t go into the plot here, more than to say it’s based upon Saxo’s saga…which was ultimately used by William Shakespeare as the inspiration for Hamlet. Take from that what you will.

So just to get this out of the way, the movie was fantastic. Richly woven, deeply researched, intelligently written, and superbly acted. I could watch it ten times in a row. And for those of us who carry a mental “Viking Authenticity” bingo card in our heads at all times, this is a blackout. It was truly incredible to see. To see authentic viking swords, along with seax blades and period accurate axes, was a Christmas morning. Spectacle helmets galore, and lamellar armor, if indeed armor was to be had (which frequently, in real life, it wasn’t!). The environment, shot in Northern Ireland and Iceland, was dark and dreary and metal, just like my soul. There was even diamond woven cloth on a priestess, oh my goodness.

But to me, I think the part that most blew me away, was how the true North philosophy of life was captured. As I have stated, I am fascinated by the Viking age (ha, clearly.) But I don’t take it as a way of life we should truly try to emulate. There are certain facets that can be taken, sure, but overall, the way Vikings thought is extremely alien to anything a modern Westerner would recognize now. To the Norse, the gods were alive and active; the veil between worlds was thin, and manipulatable by shaman and seers. Luck was a tangible commodity that attached itself to some people, and a sizable part of the human soul was carried in each of us by a female ancestral spirit. And all of this was referenced in the movie.

Do you want to know what the Norns have to say to you? Do you REALLY?? Be careful what you wish for, Bjork may just show up!

There were barrow dwellers and hallucinogens. Valkyries as the terrifying and powerful creatures they were, not as the sexpots with metal pasties that we so often see these days (though I enjoy those sometimes too!) And they captured one of the most alien ideas I have picked up from the sagas: the notions of motherhood and what they meant to certain female Norse nobility. One of the more horrific facts that one uncovers when learning about Viking histories, is that the bonds of parenthood could be very…fragile. Many children were largely raised by the community, and with the mortality rate being extremely high due to sickness, plague, famine, and everything else that could kill children during what was a very tough time to survive, and in austere conditions…well, parenthood could look very different from what we recognize now. There are tales of Kings sacrificing their sons to the gods, of children being abandoned during noble ransoms, of weak children being killed by their parents in a cruel attempt to strengthen their line. If you want some examples of viking mothers acting in these ways, just look up Gunnhild. Even these horrific views of parenthood were addressed in the movie.

Valkyrie as the terrifying creatures they were! Fierce and nonhuman

The Northman doesn’t shy away from what the Norse truly were, and it doesn’t sugarcoat them. We see the cruelty they could be capable of (yes, they would burn settlements. Yes, they were avid slavers, as was much of the world at this time). It unflinchingly looks into the past, and shows us what was interesting, what was horrifying, and why the world they lived in pushed them to these views and actions. It glaringly demonstrates how they could be both victim and perpetrator, capable of mercy and love and dark magic and hatred. In short, it’s a tale of humanity, of our love and cruelty, and how the seeds of both are entwined within our own souls. It was a fascinating movie, and the more I reflect upon it the more I love it.

FIERCE

In

Mort by Terry Pratchett, and a general reflection on Death

Since I read War of the Worlds when I was in first grade, I’ve been a science fiction and fantasy fan. It doesn’t take much poking around my interests to see that I’m an avid reader. Back around 1999, I read Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s collaboration, Good Omens, and subsequently loved it. I also truly loved the TV show version, which we all know is a dicey gamble at best, when it comes to transferring the written word to the silver screen. It was witty, irreverent yet respectful, and thought provoking about the most serious topics, in the most fun way.

However, it pains me to say, that’s as much Terry Pratchett as I had ever read. I know, I know! I KNOW. This was largely due to the fact that he’d written so much, I just didn’t really know where to start. There are plenty of guides online that told me what to start with, but they all differed, and I was paralyzed by choice. I’ve known this whole time that i was missing out, but hadn’t remedied it.

I finally bit the bullet a few weeks ago, and read Mort. I loved it. It makes Death someone that you would actually not mind meeting, scythe and all. Considering the fact that mortality is inevitable, I find this a very comforting anthropomorphization of an idea that modern Western culture seems to have done its utmost to avoid. I find memento mori to be a thing our current culture lacks, and through Death in Terry Pratchett’s books, and Death in the Sandman books, I think there are two very healthy ways of approaching the unavoidable specter of….well…..Death.

Frontispiece from Folio Society’s beautiful edition of Mort by Terry Pratchett

Frontispiece from Folio Society’s beautiful edition of Mort by Terry Pratchett

“THAT’S MORTALS FOR YOU, Death continued. THEY’VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND THEY SPEND THEM ALL IN MAKING THINGS COMPLICATED FOR THEMSELVES. FASCINATING.” -Death, Mort

I love this quote from my In-Laws: “One out of one dies.”

They say it whenever life is just a bit stressful, or problems are a bit too big, and every time it makes me feel better. I hear that there are attempts to expand the human lifespan to 150+ years, and all I can think is, BLECH who would want that. I certainly wouldn’t. I intend to enjoy life as much as possible while I can, and then embrace the big nap when it’s my turn. I hope that I’ve left a legacy and stories to entertain and make my loved ones proud, but I would have no desire to outlive my natural life. And I think that’s a good thing.

Over the past year, there has been a lot of insanity from a lot of people. In many, many ways. And I think a part of that, has been a primitive reaction to having to stare death in the face. Many people have managed to run from the idea that yes, we all will die. If you buy a certain type of protein shake, or do yoga, or follow the right directions, on a primal level, it seems that we bought off on an idea that we could delay, or entirely ignore, the inevitable. And we couldn’t. And this past year, that came and looked us right in the peepers, and we couldn’t look away. So a lot of people just….lost it. Maybe they flipped out and got themselves banned on airlines when they were asked to wear a mask. Maybe they punched someone over a parking space. Or maybe they just decided that rather than cope in a healthy way, take a vaccine to keep themselves and their loved ones safer, they would….decide that it was all a big plot to implant magnetic microchips or whatever, brought about by….checks notes ….ah yes, satanic baby eating lizard people.

So rather than double down on crazy and decide to jump into the deep end of lunacy to avoid confronting that death comes for us all (though there are certainly ways we can mitigate some of the means, but not the end result), I try to face it. I take the Victorian approach. I like to look for beauty in graveyards. I enjoy watching movies with heartwarming death themes (thank you, Tim Burton); and now, I’ve fallen headlong into Terry Pratchett’s Death representation. I think it’s scary because it’s unknown, but I think it’s futile to fear what we can’t avoid. So we might as well humanize it, since it’s a truly human experience.

Death from the Sandman Comics. She so cute.

Death from the Sandman Comics. She so cute.

I’m just another mortal here, doing a slow shuffle on this coil, but I’m doing the best I can. So much of what motivates us is fear. Not necessarily conscious fear, like “Oh no I’m going to be late if this light doesn’t change” fear. But rather deep seated fears about love, death, judgement, and rejection, that usually wrap themselves up and dress themselves in the clothes of more mundane things. And I think that the more we can drag those deep seated fears out and name them to ourselves, the more we have a chance at happiness, and sanity. So if you’re looking for a way to do that, I highly recommend reading Mort by Terry Pratchett, or the Sandman “Death” comics, because it’s a way of making something we can’t avoid a bit less scary, naming it in a warm caring light, and taking the chill off.

In

A review of "Goldilocks" by Laura Lam (intense spoilers!)

Oh dear. I truly wanted to enjoy this book. I give it three stars, because I found the quality of the writing itself to be really good. Nicely formed sentences, good cadence, intelligent.

But I took away 2 for the plot.

I didn't know what I was getting into with this book. I saw it in the "New Science Fiction" section, read the synopsis, and thought I'd try to support a female science fiction author. When I picked up the book and read a couple pages, I thought the prose was well crafted (I'm getting increasingly picky about that).

SPOILERS AHEAD btw

So when we started off the book by having women thrust out of working by a misogynistic government, I thought that was interesting. When 5 women astronauts who had been cherry-picked to head a mission to the first "Goldilocks" planet, but then were ousted so that men with less training could take over, decided to steal the rocket and do the mission anyway, I thought that was a fun ride.

But as I continued through the book, I found things increasingly improbable. When it was continually implied that random people could "hack the encryption" on various systems, as a software developer, I rolled my eyes. It's the software equivalent of the classic "Enhance!" trope in movies. But all that was okay.

But in chapter 9, at the end, when the lead character discovers she got pregnant the night before launch...by her step brother....that's when I thought in my head, "Oh lord here we go." And yes, it got sillier after that. First of all, I was supposed to have sympathy for what was basically an incestuous relationship. Note: I do NOT have sympathy for that.

Then you get into the parts of a virus being engineered to kill everyone on earth, so the smuggled embryos the female Elon Musk character had managed to smuggle on board can start a "new civilization". So the inevitable mutiny happens, the women who (for pretty undefined reasons, given the risk and vilification they would receive) decided to steal the spaceship, jettison the "cryo" backup crew, and keep pushing forward....decide to TURN BACK, with the space baby and its mysteriously convenient baby spacesuit and space c-section.....well, I'll be honest here.

I felt as though what was clearly meant to be a flag-waving feminist novel, shot itself in the foot. With the silly pregnancy, and all the crazy interpersonal ridiculous drama that overshot any of the interesting science, this was my conclusion: This book made the argument that if the men would have just been allowed to do the mission, they would have gotten it done, instead of having crazy emotional catfights, turning back, abandoning ship and killing 1/3 of the population, and a totally improbable pregnancy. I REALLY doubt that's the point the author wanted to make. But here we are.

I wanted this to be a book about female engineers being equally footed and discovering true life on a another planet. What I was left with was an improbably "Real Housewives of Cape Canaveral: The Crazy Billionaire Science Edition". It was truly a let down. I'd try to read other things by the author, since hopefully they wouldn't go to the plot improbabilities that this one did. But as a STEM female, I felt this made the exact opposite points, and delivered the exact opposite ideas, of the uplifting book I hoped this to be.

One more note: This is an extremely dark and depressing book for the pandemic. The world in it is dying of a pandemic and global warming and misogyny, so if you are looking for any sort of escapism, this is NOT. IT.

Movie Review: Captain America: Civil War

It's been busy around the Shieldmaiden Homestead lately (as always, really), but I was happy to get the chance to have a few hours to myself on Mother's Day. Our babysitter came over, and I got to indulge in seeing a chick flick: Captain America: Civil War. Chick flick for this house, anyway. I suspect most readers here are of the same mind.

Chick flick of choice

I'm not really going to go into the intricacies of the plot, although of course there are spoilers below so stop reading if you don't want to find out what happens. Mostly I'm going to just sort of rant about my reaction to the movie. There are probably literally hundreds of thousands of reviews that tell what the plot is, and I'm so fashionably late to the party here that I assume most people who care about seeing the movie (and might be reading this) have already.

It's no secret that I am, and have been for a long time, a comic book fan. By extension, I'm a fan of comic book movies that aren't awful (fortunately this DOES fall in that category). I've been as avid as anyone else out there about the last decade's worth of comic book movies. All the Iron Mans, the Avengers, the Captain Americas, all of them...but I find myself ending up feeling a bit of ennui about the Avengers story line right about now. Hear me out.

I'll give you the secret recipe that keeps me coming back for more: 1 part action sequences with fantastic stuff, 1 part eye candy, 2 parts quippy remarks and smart one-liner jabs while competent superheroes handle stressful circumstances, 3 parts camaraderie and smooth teamwork to save the day/world. So the ration is 1:1:2:3. I felt like this movie came in more 3:1:1:-1. That is not the proper recipe for this viewer.

I'll break it down for you. I knew going into this I'd be Team Cap, because I'm an idealist for many of the mores of past times, and astute student of history. I also have a deep-seated mistrust of international government organizations that are prone to extreme corruption and mishandling of other people's interests and assets (I'm looking at you, UN), and do not believe that bureaucracies do much good beyond increasing the donut count at a meeting. I think Tony Stark is great too, and understand he's got issues, but I watched the movie and turns out, yep I am DEFINITELY Team Cap. Fortunately eventually....so was Tony. So boom, still got it. But that whole "Civil War" thing was going to be ass-burn for me, and I knew it going in...because it's no fun to watch two of your coolest friends go through a divorce. Let alone when they set all their kids against each other. And that's how it felt.

#teamgrrface

 

But beyond that aspect of discomfort, here's what really bugged me about the movie. I'm sick of the newest Avengers plot-line, which seems to be "Insert character whose sister-aunt-dentist got killed by superheroes. Make them all mealy-mouthed about it for the rest of the movie. REPEAT." Look, I know there's been collateral damage in the other Avengers movies. But, there had to be, to save EVERYONE on the planet. I don't think I'd lose a ton of sleep over that choice. Save one person, or everyone else. Everyone wins, everytime. There's too much hand-wringing and soul-searching, not enough teamwork and taking care of business. And that's not what I go to these movies for. Parts of it reminded me of the senate scenes in the Star Wars prequels....do I have to tell you how much that hurt me? A lot. It hurt me a LOT. I thought we'd learned that legalese deliberation via committee does not a good movie make. I hope they relearn the lesson. It seems as though the Batman habit of making every superhero conflicted (which works fantastically for that series, btw) has leached into my marvel universe. And I do not like that.

The scene I'd been looking for.

 

At least by the end, everyone else realized what I already know: All the corrupt governments in the world are not made equal, and shouldn't be given de facto reign to deliberate and take forever to make immediate decisions when humanity is on the line. (What, that's not what you took away? You're just not jaded enough.) I DID like the ensemble cast, although I sort of wish they just would have knocked off Spiderman. Antman was amazing, and the entire airport fight reminded me of why I love these stories in the first place. But I hope we can stop with the soul searching, and get on with the excitement from here on out. No wonder Thor and Loki sat out on it. 

Eye in the Sky: A movie review (sort of, though there are a FEW spoilers), but more of a reflection

This last weekend my husband and I celebrated our anniversary. As part of the celebration, we went on a date to see the movie "Eye in the Sky" with Helen Mirren (my liege and Queen), Alan Rickman (I think this was likely his last movie, though I don't know for sure), and Barkhad Abdi, who played the main pirate in Captain Phillips (and was phenomenal at it, as he was here, playing an agent for the British in Kenya).

There she is. Strong and beautiful as the day is long.

I'll give a very brief, and hopefully mostly spoiler free, synopsis. In this movie Helen Mirren plays a UK Colonel who is acting as liaison working in the US with the Air Force. The US has the drones the Brits need to surveil (and possibly, if things happen to escalate, strike) targets in a terror plot occurring in Kenya.

Amazingly, things do escalate, and it quickly moves from surveillance to the necessary strike question. All of it is thrown off when a little girl sets up her bread selling stand right within the kill zone (who has a very progressive father who wants her to learn to read and study science right in the middle of a rebel zone. So of course our sympathies are hedged on their side, because they are just trying to live their lives and all that jazz....though the father is also working for the terrorists, so we have the old "just trying to make ends meet but overall a decent fellow" conundrum thrown in for good measure).

Rickman, looking at an idiot politician with disgust and incredulousness, no doubt

 

Now I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty details here, but this movie did a good job of bringing some messy questions and morality in warfare topics out in the open. Surprisingly, they did it in an awfully pragmatic way, devoid of most of the pie-in-the-sky hand-wringing and "we are only here due to a lack of hugs from the Western Powers" implications they usually beat us over the head with. Although, there was that moment where the drone driver was freaking out over a bunch of questions that I didn't find entirely plausible. But besides that pansy, it was very well handled. Even the young female co-pilot was pretty down to earth.

In one brief movie (just over an hour and a half long), they manage to address in a coherent and fairly conceivable narrative: Dealing with bureaucrats trying to make political gains, relations between allies (the US came off as very professional and calculated, which I supported), supporting those who support us, acceptable collateral damage, mission drift, and the people who are doing everything they can to realistically get a nasty job done vs. the people who don't really care about that. The best quote from the whole thing is by Alan Rickman's character, Lt. General Frank Benson: "Never tell a soldier that he does not know the cost of war."

Check it out of you want something interesting, about warfare (drone warfare in particular), and not morally black and white. In other words, some of my favorite things

 

Abdi, totally nailing it again